Part 8 – He Knew I Was the Upgrade, but Treated Me Like the Past
🎧 Prefer to listen? Hear the spoken-word version above.
Editor’s Note: This entry was written at the very start of my awakening — before the Holy Spirit had begun healing the places this was written from. I’m sharing it in its raw form to honour the truth of the journey. Nothing here is written to shame, expose, or condemn anyone. It simply captures the unfiltered voice of the woman I was becoming before refinement began.
He knew.
From the moment we met — he knew.
He said it himself:
“You’re a smart woman. You’re awake. You’re classy.”
He saw the elevation.
He felt the shift.
He recognised he was standing in front of something rare.
But instead of meeting me where I actually was,
he retreated into his past —
into the only dynamic he’s ever known.
He defaulted.
To treating me like a woman who hadn’t lived.
To assuming I’d be grateful for breadcrumbs.
To imagining abstinence meant desperation —
as if purity was a symptom of weakness instead of strength.
He misread the whole thing.
Because I wasn’t some girl waiting to be chosen.
I wasn’t an understudy.
I wasn’t an extra in his story.
I was the light —
and he blinked in it.
Confused.
Intimidated.
Unable to comprehend the blessing standing in front of him.
He tried to put me into a category he could control.
Something smaller.
Something softer.
Something he didn’t have to rise for.
He couldn’t elevate —
so he tried to reduce.
But it didn’t work.
Because I’ve done too much work on myself.
I’ve risen from too many ruins.
I’ve rebuilt from too many ashes.
I’ve walked through too many fires
to ever allow a man like that
to drag me back into a level I buried years ago.
He knew I was different.
He told me so.
But when the moment came to act,
he reached for the pattern.
The script.
The same tired dynamic that works on women who haven’t yet learned their worth.
He had the upgrade —
and treated it like a clearance item.
And now?
He’s back exactly where he started:
scratching around in the same old cycle,
confused why nothing golden will stay.
Because here’s the truth:
You cannot treat a queen like your past
and expect her to stay in your future.
Reflection (Written Later, After the Spirit’s Work)
Reading this entry now, I can feel the fire and the hurt layered together. I was witnessing my value for the first time, and I didn’t yet have the language of healing — only the language of self-protection. God used this moment to expose old wounds, reveal patterns that needed breaking, and prepare me to walk with a restored sense of identity. This wasn’t just about him. It was about me remembering who I was.
With fire and grace,
This message carries fire. Pass it on. 👇🏻
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Victoria Player is an emerging prophetic voice, spiritual disruptor, and single mother based in the UK. She is the founder of Daughter of Thunder—a raw, Spirit-led platform for awakening women and equipping the remnant. After walking through decades of emotional abuse, loss, and dismantling, Victoria now shares her unfiltered journey of healing, calling, and consecration. Through her writing, she calls the hidden ones out of silence and into bold, holy purpose.
