Part 3 – The Power Was Always Mine
🎧 Prefer to listen? Hear the spoken-word version above.
Editor’s Note: This entry comes from the earliest stage of my awakening — before the Holy Spirit began reshaping my responses and refining my voice. I’m sharing it as it was, because real transformation doesn’t start with perfection. It starts with honesty. This is the unfiltered woman I was before the sanctifying fire touched my tongue.
He thought he was the one calling the shots.
With his breadcrumb messages.
With his vague plans.
With his “we’ll see” attitude, as if I’d sit on standby waiting for him to decide who he wanted to be today.
But the joke was on him.
Because while he thought he was leading the dance,
I had already changed the music.
While he was fumbling through indecision,
I was moving with intention.
While he played at being a “player,”
I was preparing with energy, clarity, a full tank, and even a joke-wrapped gift that he was never going to deserve.
I was all in — until I realised he wasn’t.
He mistook abstinence for inexperience.
He mistook faith for fragility.
He mistook a gentle spirit for a weak one.
He didn’t know abstinence wasn’t a surrender of desire —
it was a filter.
A divine boundary.
The quickest test on earth for exposing a man’s character.
I watched.
I assessed.
I saw the truth — and when it no longer aligned with who I was becoming, I let go.
He thought he had the upper hand.
But the moment I chose myself,
the moment I walked away without theatrics or confession or chasing,
everything shifted.
I left with clarity.
With dignity.
With that final playful flourish — a harmless, humorous video he will replay in his mind longer than he’ll ever admit.
Because while he offered crumbs,
I brought the feast.
While he showed up empty,
I showed up whole.
And when he finally realises what slipped through his fingers,
he won’t be mourning me.
He’ll be mourning the version of himself he could have become,
had he risen to meet me.
But I’m done trying to lift men who won’t lift themselves.
I’m done shrinking for anyone.
I’m done dimming my fire so someone else can feel tall.
I’m flying now.
With eagles.
With kings.
With God as my compass.
Because the power?
It was always mine.
And I’m done forgetting that.
Reflection (written later, after the Holy Spirit’s work):
This piece captures the fire of my early awakening — the part of me that was still reacting from the wound rather than from the Spirit. Looking back, I can see how God used even this area of my life to expose old patterns, reclaim my identity, and teach me what real self-worth looks like in Him. What began as self-defence became the soil of transformation.
With fire and grace,
This message carries fire. Pass it on. 👇🏻
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Victoria Player is an emerging prophetic voice, spiritual disruptor, and single mother based in the UK. She is the founder of Daughter of Thunder—a raw, Spirit-led platform for awakening women and equipping the remnant. After walking through decades of emotional abuse, loss, and dismantling, Victoria now shares her unfiltered journey of healing, calling, and consecration. Through her writing, she calls the hidden ones out of silence and into bold, holy purpose.
