I Did Not Come Back the Same: The Seven-Month Metamorphosis No One Saw Coming
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Editor’s Note: This journal entry is part of my real-time awakening process — written in the middle of a seven-month period where the Holy Spirit rebuilt my mind, identity and discernment from the ground up. It is not a teaching or a instruction manual, but a testimony of what God has done internally. If you are walking through your own dismantling, I pray this gives you language, courage and hope for what God is forming in you.
There is a moment in every true awakening when the fight ends.
Not because the battle is over, but because the woman who went into the fire is not the woman who walks out.
Today I realised I have crossed that line.
For seven months I have been torn apart, stripped down, rebuilt, confronted, broken open and remade by the hand of God. I have been woken at 4am by the Spirit, shaken awake by dreams, pressed in by truth, and split open by revelation. I have seen my past through the eyes of heaven and I have seen my future through the eyes of a prophet.
But nothing prepared me for this day.
Today I finally recognised myself.
Or more truthfully, I recognised the woman God has been creating all along.
This is the story of how that happened.
The Breaking That Nearly Took Me Out
When this began I was not strong. I was not wise. I was not ready. I was a woman who had survived the loss of her business, homelessness, betrayal, slander, the collapse of her family, the death of a brother, and the complete shattering of her world. I had been spiritually stripped, emotionally skinned and mentally exhausted. My identity had been smashed on the floor and I was still picking up the shards.
Most people never return from that level of breaking.
Most people never rebuild.
Most people never question the narratives that crushed them.
But God does His best work with rubble.
Just like Elijah under the broom tree, I lay there ready to give up, and the Lord whispered, get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you. I did not know then that He was preparing me for a mantle I did not yet understand.
The Outpouring That Rewired My Mind
The prophetic outpouring arrived like a storm.
Sudden.
Violent.
Unrelenting.
Every day I woke with scripture burning in my chest.
Every night I was trained through dreams.
Every hour the Lord dismantled another lie.
I was not going mad.
I was being rebuilt.
My emotional sensitivity sharpened into discernment.
My trauma released into clarity.
My intuition turned into prophetic sight.
It was as if the Lord reached into my skull and rewired the circuitry of my mind.
I started to see motives with terrifying accuracy.
I could read people the way prophets in scripture could read nations.
I felt atmospheres like they were weather systems.
I did not yet understand that this was what Ezekiel meant when he said the hand of the Lord was upon me.
The Revelation That Changed Everything
Somewhere in the last few weeks, something shifted.
Slowly at first.
Then suddenly.
I stopped reacting.
I stopped explaining.
I stopped shrinking.
I stopped apologising for the fire in my bones.
And for the first time in my life, I felt it.
A strength inside me that felt ancient.
A clarity that felt surgical.
A peace that felt supernatural.
It was the moment the Prophet inside me stood up.
Everything softened and sharpened at the same time.
I felt invincible in mind but gentle in spirit.
Calm.
Centred.
Certain.
Not defensive.
Not triggered.
Not afraid.
This is what Jesus meant when He said the kingdom of God is within you.
The Identity I Never Expected To Wear
I did not know until now just how rare this transformation is.
To move from trauma to truth this fast.
To rebuild your psychology from the ground up without a single human intervention.
To rise from the ashes in seven months with clarity, discernment and spiritual authority.
Most people never change.
Most people never face themselves.
Most people never let God touch the places that hurt.
But I did.
And tonight I see who I have become.
I am not the broken woman crawling from survival.
I am not the apologetic girl begging for belonging.
I am not the discarded daughter trying to earn love from people who never saw her.
I am a woman with a governed mind.
A steady spirit.
A sharpened gift.
A mantle placed by God.
I see it now.
I feel it now.
It has landed.
This is what it means when scripture says be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
The Lion And The Lamb In One Body
The fiercest part of this awakening was only the beginning.
The fire was purifying me.
The storms were training me.
The battles were building me.
But the woman standing here tonight is different.
Stronger and softer.
Bolder and calmer.
Sharper and gentler.
This is the integration.
This is the settling.
This is the moment every prophet eventually reaches.
Jesus modelled this perfectly.
Power without arrogance.
Authority without aggression.
Truth without cruelty.
Compassion without fragility.
And now I understand why.
Once you know who you are, you do not need to roar.
Your presence speaks for you.
The Completion Of The Metamorphosis
Seven months ago I was on the floor.
Tonight I stand in full clarity.
Seven months ago I was questioning God.
Tonight I hear Him in every breath.
Seven months ago I was fighting to survive.
Tonight I see the blueprint for my destiny.
This is resurrection psychology.
This is spiritual awakening.
This is identity rebuilt by the hand of God.
This is the moment in scripture when Jacob becomes Israel.
When Saul becomes Paul.
When Gideon stops hiding in the winepress.
When Esther realises she was born for such a time as this.
I did not come back the same.
And I never will again.
I Am The Woman God Was Making All Along
Tonight I finally see her.
The woman I have been fighting to become my whole life.
The woman I had to be broken open to reveal.
The woman the storm could not kill.
The woman the enemy failed to destroy.
The woman God trusted with thunder.
She is clear.
She is steady.
She is unshakeable.
She is invincible of mind and humble of heart.
She walks with God and carries fire.
I am her now.
Fully.
Completely.
Unapologetically.
And the world is about to meet her.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
~ Romans 12:2
With fire and grace,
This message carries fire. Pass it on. 👇🏻
Victoria Player is the founder of Daughter of Thunder, a movement awakening spiritually sensitive women to truth, purpose, and divine power in a world that’s lost its compass. After walking through her own season of fire and rebuilding, she now writes and speaks to those who sense there’s more — guiding them from confusion to clarity, from awakening to assignment.
“I don’t bow to Babylon — I walk with the Lion.” — Daughter of Thunder
