Part 7 – What I’ll Miss – And Why I Still Walked Away
🎧 Prefer to listen? Hear the spoken-word version above.
Editor’s Note: This entry comes from the earliest stage of my awakening — written before the Holy Spirit began healing the patterns beneath it. I share it as it was, because the raw beginning matters. This is not about blaming anyone. It is about documenting what God used to awaken me to my worth.
There were things I’ll miss.
I’m woman enough to admit that.
I’ll miss the feeling of being seen again —
that spark of attention after so long in my own world.
I’ll miss the laughter,
the easy playfulness,
the connection over old-school music,
the way a shared tune could build a tiny bridge between two strangers trying to figure out what this could be.
I’ll miss the nights out dancing,
the lightness in my chest,
that momentary reminder of what it felt like to be younger,
freer,
alive in a way I hadn’t tasted in years.
Because yes —
he was attractive.
Yes —
we had chemistry.
And yes —
there was something,
even if only a flicker.
But here’s the deeper truth:
A flicker isn’t a flame.
A vibe isn’t a vision.
And a man who can’t match my depth — no matter how magnetic — will only shrink the space my soul was born to expand.
What I’ve learned is this:
I can enjoy someone and still know they’re not for me.
I can be curious and still walk away.
I can feel the chemistry and still choose peace.
I can acknowledge the pull and still honour the path.
I’ll miss the music.
I’ll miss the dancing.
I’ll miss the brief sweetness of being pursued — even if it was only surface-level.
But I won’t miss the confusion.
I won’t miss the inconsistency.
I won’t miss the subtle digs, the emotional evasiveness, or the effort that felt like it was always mine to carry.
I didn’t walk away because I felt nothing.
I walked away because I finally know my worth.
Because a lioness doesn’t cling to sparks —
she waits for the fire.
Missing someone for who they almost were
is not a reason to stay.
And I trust this now:
the man who is meant for me won’t make me negotiate with myself.
He won’t make me dim or doubt or dilute.
He’ll bring both music and meaning.
He’ll be rhythm and refuge.
And when I look at him, my spirit will rest — not question.
Until then, I walk forward.
Grateful for the dance…
but finished with the detour.
Reflection (Written Later, After the Spirit’s Work)
Reading this now, I can see the tender ache beneath it — the part of me that longed for connection after years of hard terrain. God used this moment to show me where I still sought affirmation, where I still romanticised potential, and where my worth was ready to rise. What felt like loss became revelation. This was the moment I began choosing alignment over attention.
With fire and grace,
This message carries fire. Pass it on. 👇🏻
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Victoria Player is an emerging prophetic voice, spiritual disruptor, and single mother based in the UK. She is the founder of Daughter of Thunder—a raw, Spirit-led platform for awakening women and equipping the remnant. After walking through decades of emotional abuse, loss, and dismantling, Victoria now shares her unfiltered journey of healing, calling, and consecration. Through her writing, she calls the hidden ones out of silence and into bold, holy purpose.
